My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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