I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
