I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
