I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
