): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
