i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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