I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
