their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
