Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
