I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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