I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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