I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
