drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
