i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
