Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
