I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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