we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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