Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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