where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
