the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
