too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
