i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
