i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
