I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
