So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
