1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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