So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
