names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
