nut hugger
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Semen is not good for contacts.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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