and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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