I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
