so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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