Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So apparently I’m into choking now
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