Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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