Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
