Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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