See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
