We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
