To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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