Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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