Say something about gay babies.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We are two peas in an std pod
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
