your parents love me but you hate me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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