I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
