I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
