he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
