This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
