reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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