so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
