Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
