Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
